Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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