Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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