I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
