No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
