I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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