He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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