I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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