my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
