i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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