I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
