My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
