Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
