that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
only you would photoshop your dick
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize