I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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