I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
