tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize