I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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