So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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