dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
