This gyro tastes like lonliness
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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