i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
