you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize