I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
