we have officially mastered the walk of shame
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
