i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just tell him i said nine months
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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