Say something about gay babies.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
