I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You've changed since you got that strap on
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
