the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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