i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
