I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
