all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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