the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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