I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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