Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
