I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
