last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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