No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
