My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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