a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
