if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize