She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
