it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
