There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
