they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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