Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
