why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
