just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
