I want to walk on stilts...naked
thus making me awesome and them whores
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
