I wish my penis had an off switch
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
