Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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