no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
