I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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