the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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