she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
