broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
