no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
it's like heaven, but drunker
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
