if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
