did you get engaged???
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
don't judge my taste in strippers
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
