I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
