I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
