It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i dont even know how to be here
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
