You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
