god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
