You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
