Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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