I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
