So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
