I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
