I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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