I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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