First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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