Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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