I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
