I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
